How creativity dies
There is no right or wrong way to be creative.
I was debating what to name this post. First I was thinking something along the lines of “How to Kill Creativity.”
What prompted this was a memory I have from high school. I was in art class. I wanted to be a fashion designer at that time, and I had done a watercolor painting of a woman in a green dress.
The art teacher told me my painting was great. I don’t remember how the class was graded, but it would be a high grade. Then, I told her it was watercolor, and her whole attitude changed. Suddenly, the painting that was so good 30 seconds earlier was now deficient because I laid the paint on a little thick and it looked more like acrylic paints to her.
All of a sudden, my art was no longer “good” or “right” and was something to be corrected or punished by a lower grade.
It was confusing to me. I’ll admit. It also happened a very long time ago.
I thought I might still have the painting and went to look for it. I do have some artwork that is even older than this painting. But, I couldn’t find it. Otherwise, I would have included the photo here.
Fast forward about 10 years.
I had been writing for much of that time and had written three romance manuscripts with the editorial assistance of my sister. I chose to publish one of them—For Love of Country—in 2002.
It was self-published, and, of course, pre-Facebook and internet. I knew no one. I was interviewed for my local newspaper. My book was also reviewed by Romantic Times Magazine.
I still remember the one-star review and the comment “It was no mystery.” That was accurate. I never said it was a mystery. I still don’t know why they gave it to a mystery reviewer.
That one-star review and the 13 total copies of my book sold led my mind to form the belief that writing is not worthwhile, effectively meaningless, and will never make any money so why bother doing it. (The book is still available through my publisher's website as a trade paperback and an ebook if you are curious.)
That could have been the end of the story. But instead, my writing progressed throughout my educational and work life.
I wrote for The Stute, the school newspaper at Stevens Institute of Technology when I attended there. I wrote engineering inspection reports as an engineer. I wrote a law review Note as an editor of the Vermont Law Review when I attended law school at Vermont Law and Graduate School. I write motions and briefs as an attorney.
I have written so many facebook posts since January 2008.
All of these things sharpened my skills as a writer and prevented that “dream” from completely dying.
I kept signing up for courses about how to write your book or your screenplay.
But still, I didn’t write.
I truly believed the teacher and the book reviewer had killed my creativity and that there was no value in it.
Now, I wanted to write, but I couldn’t think of anything to write. There was a self-imposed block based on the external opinions of others instead of my own opinion of the worth of my writing.
I read a few pages of my book at a virtual open mic night a few years ago, and people seemed to like it and wanted to hear more—not enough to buy it, though. More importantly, I liked it. I still think it’s a good story and well-written. Despite a few very obvious typos I missed in the multiple rounds of edits.
I kept signing up for the writer’s bootcamps and the writer’s communities. Kept attending courses on screenwriting and other forms of writing because I don’t really know what the final form of my creativity would look like. Ultimately, I don’t think it matters.
The point is, I started writing again. I have Scrivener for my manuscript and Final Draft for the Verticals and Hallmark-style movies I want to write. I am actually over 8,000 words into a first draft in Scrivener and, more importantly, feel as if I’m making progress on the writing journey.
But, I couldn’t force it. I had to want to write. I had to be committed to a consistent practice.
This is proof that my creativity has not died. It was lying dormant for almost 25 years, but it is still there.
That means your creativity is still there and can be reawakened whenever you decide. And, no one is going to force you to be creative if you’re happy with your life as is. You might be getting what you need from other aspects of your life. I just want to make sure you know that it is never too late to start up again, whether it is drawing, painting, writing, or playing a musical instrument. You deserve to treat yourself well and let your internal voice determine what you do and not an outside naysayer.